I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
