Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
