At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Randomize
