i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
