the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
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