im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
