I think my fart just growled at me.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
