I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I got inside last night via doggy door
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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