i wish starbucks made bloody marys
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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