Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
