A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
