Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
