So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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