Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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