I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
