You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
