i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
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