Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
