her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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