Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
