So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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