he wants to bone in the snuggie
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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