Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Oh god it's open bar.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
