I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
