I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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