Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Randomize
