You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
