Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
