I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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