She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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