So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Actions speak louder than pants.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Randomize
