Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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