Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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