Your mouth is God's brothel.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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