I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
