i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
