Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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