Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
