Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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