Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
