so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
This house was built for laser tag.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
