i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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