he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I wish there were birth control emojis
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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