We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Holy shit dude........stairs
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
