Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
