at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Randomize
