And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
