the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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