She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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