no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
